It's 12:37am and I'm wide awake (thank you, Wild Cherry Pepsi) and chatting with a fellow cyster who is having the age ole PCOS debate/struggle.
You know... the "Why don't you just adopt?" struggle...
I think this is one of the most frustrating things to hear as a woman who has "been there" and as a woman with PCOS. I've written about this before (see tags)
When you say "Why don't you just adopt..." to a person with infertility you aren't being polite or wise. It's insulting because in a way you're kind of down playing the couples dream. That's one take on it.
For me - and for other cysters - the issue isn't ADOPTION. It's not. Adoption is freaking awesome. Seriously, now that I'm a mom, I give women who give up their children for adoption SOOOOO much credit. It takes a lot of courage to be able to do such a thing. But back to my point...
With PCOS ... adoption is NOT the answer to many cysters because there is still a problem. I'm trying to be as clear as possible for it being close to 1am. See, with PCOS, there are all sorts of problems with the body. Lots of things. Like metabolic issues, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, hirsutism, obesity, belly fat, thyroid issues, trouble losing weight, digestion issues, acne, thinning hair, missing periods, lack of ovulation, blocked tubes, ovarian cysts, weak cervex, fatigue, anxiety, skin tags, insulin resistance, alopecia.... the list goes ON... trust me... but INFERTILITY is on the list. So is miscarriage. So while infertility may be the thing a cyster is focusing on, chances are high that's not their only pcos issue ... so to say "why don't you just adopt" to a cyster is like saying, "Oh ok, just be sick forever and get a kid some other way."
It's very hard to explain this train of thought but think of it like this... would you tell someone to get a new car just because they have a flat tire?
I hope that explains/clears things up for those people who may be prone to saying such things. Now... this is where I throw in a twist.
I want to adopt. Not even kidding. I'd LOVE to do it. I've always wanted to be a mom and it took a lot for me to get Elliot.
God truly blessed me with an incredibly healthy and wonderful pregnancy. But the road to get to this pregnancy was bumpy and painful. If you know me (or if you've read from the beginning) you know exactly what I'm talking about. We've already been asked if we plan on trying for baby number two. ((PS: this is a rude question!!)) We've already been teased that we'll have "Irish Twins".... but for hubby and I... the thought of having another baby in the future is scary! Very scary!
Who is to say I would not have more miscarriages before we were to have our second? Who is to say I'd have as great a pregnancy with baby number two as I did with baby number one? I don't know if it's a risk I'd want to take. I also feel like it would be a bit selfish of me to go trying for number two when there are so many children in need of a good home.
I'm pro-adoption. Adoption is a wonderful thing. I have friends who have adopted and friends who are adopted. It's something I want to look into in the future and something I tend to google in my spare time. It's also a topic of discussion that comes up frequently with my social worker friends. The only thing that stops me from adopting is the $$$$ as we all know we teacher folk aren't exactly rolling in the dough.
And to add another twist to this already rambly post... who is to say I can even have a second baby of my own? I'm going in for a full pcos work-up in January and we're basically going to see how well my uterus held up during the pregnancy. We're going to take a detailed look to see if there is something "wrong" happening inside of me that we just didn't/couldn't see during the pregnancy. For some women, PCOS is completely reversed thanks to pregnancy. I know for me that is definitely NOT true. While I don't have as severe a case of pcos as some of my cysters (most of my issues are literally inside and not outside)... I still have a pretty strong case.
PCOS sucks. So the moral of this rant/rave is if a cyster is ranting about PCOS... just listen and love her. Hugs do help!