Meet Eleanor... always with me....

Meet Eleanor, my Nana, holding me as a baby.

Meet Eleanor, my Nana, always with me.

My Nana died on Christmas day of 1989. She's never left me though. Never. She's always been with me and visits me often. Sometimes she likes to throw us for a loop and make my broken music box (that she and my Poppy made) play music. She's silly.

My Nana likes to say hello to us through music. Specifically, the song "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart. When we hear that song, we know she's popping in to say hello.

My Nana was COOL! She designed really sexy clothing for rockers at a store called Hyper Hyper (now called Warrior) in Philly.

My Nana designed clothing for me all the time. Special dresses for every occassion. One of my favorite childhood memories involves me in her living room, standing on the coffee table as she took measurements for her next masterpiece.

My Nana was known for pulling teeth. She'd pull loose teeth out of random children with her secret ingredient (Pepsi)!

My Nana would make scrambled eggs for us and put A1 sauce on it. Don't knock it till you try it.

My Nana always smelled so good and was always up to date with the latest fashion.

My Nana could whip your butt in BINGO. She didn't mess around.

My Nana was the queen of obnoxiously large and overflowing Easter baskets.

I was my Nana's only grand-daughter. She used to have a wall of nailpolish and would do my nails.

My Nana took me to see "The Little Mermaid" (my favorite movie) one week before she died. I think she knew she was ready for Heaven because that year, my Christmas dress was black velvet.

I have all these wonderful memories of her and she died when I was only in second grade and she's still never left me.

Two weeks ago, hubby and I had a date night. We decided we would go to Babies-R-Us and walk around a bit. Now... some background information is necessary.

When you are dealing with PCOS and infertility for nearly five years, Babies-R-Us (and baby showers) are avoided like the plague. You just don't go there. Too painful. So going to this store to just look around is SCARY!!!

Every morning when I wake up I thank God for this miracle. For this blessing growing inside of me. I think of my other Cysters and I think of their journeys. I find myself worrying from time to time that something terrible will happen and this baby will not be born. When you go through the pain of our past, you'd feel this way too. So going to babies-r-us, as silly as it sounds - was an overwhelming experience.

So when we walked inside the door, I stopped immediately and listened. And playing on the radio was.... "Forever Young." Thank you Nana, for always being with me and letting me know it's going to be okay. Thank you God, for always reminding me of my journey and our blessings.

And Mom... you can stop crying now. :)

Tears of JOY.

Today I had my first appointment with my new OB. Dr. Easter is AMAZING! First of all, he's got a GREAT personality and sense of humor.

Secondly, he is incredibly gentle and you can just tell that he's in this business because he loves what he does.

I had a pap done and then we went to listen for the heartbeat. He told me not to panic when we couldn't hear it because my uterus isn't positioned properly (thanks PCOS!) and because we're still early in the pregnancy.

We had some good conversation and I officially have no restrictions. He also would like me to wean off of my glumetza starting tonight because my levels are amazing. He thinks I'm absolutely correct in my assumption that the glumetza is making my nausea so bad. So, we'll see.

He noticed I was shaking and asked if I was okay, I told him I was cold and nervous. (Um, hello -- I was naked and hadn't heard the heartbeat yet lol)

He ordered an immediate ultrasound and I got dressed to move to the next room. He came out to the waiting room to check on me. Seriously, how awesome is that!?!?!

THEN he found the ultrasound tech and he STAYED WITH ME and HELD MY HAND so I wouldn't be so scared. It was the sweetest thing ever. Sure enough, we heard that heartbeat and I cried. He smiled and said, "See, you're going to be just fine - but I think because of your PCOS, you'll be having these ultrasounds each appointment to make sure things are okay and to ease your anxiety." He squeezed my hand and said goodbye and I thanked him for being so kind. I'll see him again in 4 weeks.

I'm feeling so positive about him. I hope I can have him as my doc when I go into labor but there really is no telling as to who that will be.

When Dr. Easter left I found out that he was late for a meeting and he STAYED WITH ME and chose to go to the meeting late. I can't tell you how much that means to me. The ultrasound tech gave me a guided tour of my uterus and said that because my belly has already hardened, she needed to make sure there wasn't another baby in there. There's only one baby. :)

It's amazing to see the change in growth since my last ultrasound. I cried tears of joy as I watched my baby bounce and move, wiggle and wraggle to the soundtrack of their heartbeat. The most beautiful sight and sound in the world.

Parenting

Lately I've been discovering that there are certain issues people feel the need to push on me in regards to my pregnancy and the birth of this child in 30 weeks.

Do note that these are issues people feel the need to email me rather randomly and while I'm all for advice - I also take a stand on some issues.

I've discovered that there are several issues that aren't even up for discussion for me. I probably sound psychotic and rude but there are some issues that I will just NOT bend on. Here is my list. If you plan on commenting, please be fore-warned that if we're not in the same boat - I'm not up to discuss or debate our decision. I think some of our decisions are almost in a sense sacred, especially regarding baptism.

1. Breastfeeding is not evil or dirty. It's not sexual. I would LOVE to be able to breastfeed and hope that I'm able. I'm not sure if I'll be able to with my thyroid medication or not. I don't see why not. But yes, I do hope to breastfeed. I feel that baby meal time whether it is formula or momma's milk is a special bonding time.

2. Infant baptism - it's happening. Please don't try to insult/degrade my religious beliefs.

3. Circumcision. If it's a boy, it's happening. It's a personal and cultural belief. It's happening. It's necessary. I also wonder if people dare even bring this up to Jewish mothers.

4. Meal time should be together as a family. I don't plan on having my child parked in front of the tv every night for dinner. I think having your child sit at the table with you and learn how to eat properly is important. I also think having conversations with your child is important.

5. Vaccines. Everyone has an agenda. I just want my kid protected. C-section vs. Vaginal birth --- Whatever needs to happen to ensure the safety of this child will happen.

6. Stretch mark cream --- seriously? Do you really think a woman my size gives a crap about stretchmarks?

7. Co-sleeping. I haven't formed an opinion on it. I just hope my baby is able to sleep restfully.

8. Cloth diapers - no opinion really - don't really plan on using them.

9. Gender appointment - do you really think a woman like me who has gone through FIVE years of heartache will be able to wait to find out what she is having? We're finding out, we deserve it, LOL

10. Teletubbies are banned from my house, they scare the crap out of me. Worse than clowns.

RIO!

Hubby and I went to see RIO last night and it was AWESOME!

We saw it in 2D and really enjoyed it. It's a great story about friendships, relationships, faith, love, team work, etc. We really enjoyed it!

10 weeks! ((From BabyCenter))

How your baby's growing: Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy. If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Appointment update

Today I went for my first appointment with the Women's Center since being dismissed from infertility care.

I must say, I'm generally feeling pleased with the care I received today and I've never heard anything negative about this practice - I just feel "awkward" right now .... especially considering I'm now considered a "normal" pregnant woman in her "first" pregnancy. That's a lot to swallow when you have been dealing with infertility for five years. And it's a lot to swallow when you "leave" Dr. P's nest after being there since June.

My first appointment was to discuss my health insurance. Thank God for good insurance. I basically need to meet my $100 deductible and then everything else (including circumcision if a boy) is covered. I do not have a limit for ultrasounds which is nice to hear as well. As long as the ultrasound is medically necessary, we're good to go.

My second appointment was for my "class" on the do's and don'ts of pregnancy and to discuss how I'm feeling thus far. The one concern we discussed was my issue with dairy. Before getting pregnant, I had dairy almost daily. I was fine with milk, cheese, ice cream, etc - no problems. Since discovering I'm pregnant - I will throw up dairy. Almost immediately. Even if scrambled eggs are made with milk, I throw up. Anything with butter, I throw up. The nurse informed me that because I'm taking a prenatal, I should be fine. However, she recommends I have 3-4 Tums a day because the Tums is good for the acid reflux and there is a difference in me digesting the Tums vs. just taking a calcium supplement.

We went through a LOT of paperwork and I have some homework to complete before my next appointment on the 21st. Basically I need to decide what I'd like to be tested for during the pregnancy. Examples include: Cystic Fibrosis, Downs, etc. I declined the HIV testing because I've never been at risk for HIV. I've never done drugs. I've never had a situation of someone elses blood or fluids on me. I've never had unprotected sex before marriage. I've never had a transfusion. I didn't see the point in the test.

The nurse is recommending that I see every doctor in the practice because it will give me a chance to get to know them. She said when I go into labor there is no guarantee I'll have Dr. Easter - I'll have the doctor who is on call that night. I really don't care either way. I'm just happy to be HERE. FINALLY.

We had a lot of good discussion and even discussed my BIRTHING PLAN!!! I thought that was a little early to discuss but basically I don't care what needs to be snipped, what drugs need to be used or anything - as long as I have a living, breathing, healthy baby - I don't care what I have to go through. I know God will be with us. :)

After receiving a Similac goodie pack, a bunch of literature and some sample prenatals I was sent on my way to my NEXT appointment which was bloodwork. I am being tested for all sorts of diseases I've never even heard of in addition to the one hour glucose test.

I survived the glucose test without getting sick, thank God! That sugary drink is quite disgusting.

And now... I'm finally home, fed, and exhausted. It's been a busy and productive day. I can't wait to see what happens at my appointment on the 21st. They did warn me that they'll be taking a urine sample before each appointment so make sure I have a full bladder. Yea, that won't be a problem - trust me. :P

9 weeks - from baby center!

How your baby's growing: Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

From babycenter :)

Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone.

In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

You may notice that your bra is getting more snug. Soon you'll likely need a larger size with better support. Rising levels of hormones cause breast growth and other tissue changes, all in preparation for lactation. Your breasts may continue to grow throughout pregnancy. Don't be surprised if you go up a cup size or two, especially if it's your first baby. Keep this in mind, and allow for room to grow when investing in a new bra.

Feeling fatigued? Hormonal changes — in particular, a dramatic rise in progesterone — may be contributing to your sluggishness. Nausea and vomiting can certainly cost you energy, too. And you may be having trouble getting a good night's sleep at this point, especially if you're uncomfortable or find you need to get up to pee.