Thyroid Labs Are in...

This is just a quick post for my reference.   Failed my labs.   Miserably.   Now, let's fix it! 

I'm hearing about something called Thyrovanz.     Note to self: ask doctor!   

Because I'm so freaking tired...

Warning:  Gonna sound selfish and whiney... but hear me out.

I am so tired of not doing anything for ME.

I have read countless articles on the importance of self care.

The importance of "me time" --- even if it's five minutes!

The importance of wellness... etc.

Heck, I've even read a few books on it!   But between my buddy Dan and Rachel Hollis.... I'm done.  I'm seriously done with putting other people before myself. 

This doesn't mean that I'm going to ignore my family.

This doesn't mean that I'm going to ignore my friends.

This means that I need to focus on ME and MY well-being and in turn I feel I'll be a better person.  A better mom.  A better wife.  A better friend.  A better teacher.

So I used my hair money this weekend and I treated myself.   I bought myself actual sneakers.  REAL sneakers.   Can I just tell you that this entire winter - I wore flip flops?   Yup.   I did.   First off, I love flip flops.   So this isn't like some sort of sad sad story... but I never invested in a quality shoe for work.   Secondly, I wore boots/closed shoe into work, but when I got there... flip flops.   When I get to the gym, I have a pair of bobo's.   Not the best shoe for the gym.    Why have I always felt guilty spending money on me for me!?!?!  Always.   I don't even know why that is.   I can't even tell you when the last time was that I had my nails did.   And don't even get me started on other things I haven't done for myself.

So here are my $155 shoes I scored for $39.99 at the Columbia Outlet in Lancaster, PA.

And with the use of a referral code, a coupon code, and a Mother's Day discount... this beast will be making its appearance in my kitchen sometime soon.

I am sure that in a few hours I'm going to regret the Blender purchase until it arrives and I start making some super healthy shit for me to eat because oh yea... I rarely ever have a breakfast and lunch is something that happens .... sometimes.

Operation Buff LeLe in effect.

Gratitude Journal/Journey Days 16 and 17

Wednesday and Thursday:

1. Allergy medication
2. A great three days of getting my kids ready
3. Inside jokes with friends
4. The perfect pair of flip flops
5. Air conditioning!
6. Feeling on track with health goal of the week
7. Feeling pretty
8. Trying something new
9. Finishing "Girl, Stop Apologizing!"
10. Seeing puppies!
11. Understanding
12. Friends extending acts of kindness
13. Great talks with students 
14. Time to actually eat lunch.   Seriously.  It's rare!
15. A nice clean desk
16. New expo markers... in purple!!!
17. Rodan and Fields - seriously, I'm loving my skin care stuff!
18. Memes for procrastination
19. Feeling "ahead of the game"
20. Realizing that summer time is coming soon which means more time with my kids!

5 Types of PCOS

This is an amazing link/video on the 5 Types of PCOS!!!

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 15

Tuesday, April 23rd

1. A phone number of someone I lost touch with!
2. Delicious salad for dinner
3. Amazing tuna --- so yummy!
4. Early bedtime, three nights in a row!
5. Amazing conversation with an amazing person
6. Patience!!!
7. Quiet time
8. Netflix.   Yea, I said it.
9. Time to read -- for pleasure!
10. Early morning playtime with my kids

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 14

I am halfway through the gratitude journey and I must say --- I'm shocked I've lasted this long.   I lack personal consistency.    True story.   Professionally - "A" game - all the time.   Personally, lose I lose steam.

So here we go ....

Day 14 - Easter Monday

1. Children were up and not an issue to get ready at all!   I was expecting a challenge considering the busy weekend we had.
2. LEGOS!   Yes, LEGOS!   My bestie gifted me and my students with a massive box of LEGOS!!!!!  
3. The breeze!    Today's breeze, despite the pollen, was lovely!
4. Marco Polo App.   Frivolous... but it's so awesome to be able to see my friends when they're talking with me
5. PERFECT attendance at work!  Every student was present!   
6. A delicious dinner made for me by the hubs!
7. Early bedtime and snuggles with Nora
8. Talking art and supplies with Elliot
9. Honesty!   Even when talking about the tough stuff.
10. The ability to be able to pay my bills even though it was an extremely frustrating process!

Listening

National Infertility Awareness Week is among us.    

This is a week that I definitely find myself in a more reflective state.   I think a misconception is that when women who struggled with infertility end up "beating" infertility with a living baby... they forget their journey.   At least, sometimes that is how it FEELS.   

Elliot will be eight this fall.   I literally had to pause as I typed that sentence.

Eight.  WOW.

I remember when we first started trying for him.   It was our one year wedding anniversary.   We were so naive.   We thought the biggest obstacle to overcome would have been morning sickness.   

Through our infertility is where I learned about PCOS and basically all the things not working in my body.   We struggled on so many levels.   It was hard seeing pregnant bellies.   It was hard being around any babies, even family.    And sometimes, it was even hard being near friends and family.  Hell, we have friends and family NOW who constantly cancel plans on us... and we get it!  We understand it!   We've been there and done that!   

Infertility is "one of those things" that you really don't "get" unless you're "IN IT."  

I remember my first miscarriage, and some asshole said something to the effect of, "Oh, you weren't THAT far along, just keep trying."   Idiot.   Wrong wrong wrong.

Or even better... "just relax."

And the kicker for us PCOS women.... "Oh, just lose some weight, you'll be pregnant in no time!"  

As our struggles became more and more frequent and the frustrations rose, I would receive all sorts of commentary from the peanut gallery -- none of which was requested.    

As I reflect on this week, I need to note that in my experience, one of the best gifts given to me through Infertility was the gift of a listening ear.   Not a reacting ear.  A listening ear.   Sometimes you just need to let it out, to listen, and be heard.   You don't need someone to tell you their advice, or their experience.   You just need someone to listen.

If you are reading this, please know I am here and willing to be the listener for you.   

I SO get this.   I comprehend it.   Because the reality is... Elliot is going to be 8 years old this fall.  However, his older brothers and sisters before him, would be turning 9, 11, 12, and 13.  

I have not forgotten my journey.   I will not stop advocating for this cause.   

I'm here to listen.    I get it.   I really, really, do.

Days 12 and 13 - Easter!

1. Family time!
2. Safe travels
3. Making memories
4. Crafts!
5. Games!
6. Presents!
7. The promise of the Resurrection!
8. Phu actually letting me pet her... for more than ten seconds!
9. The wonder of a curious child
10. Good food
11. Easter egg hunts
12. Flowers
13. Discovering new places
14. Almond Milk - LOL!
15. Only one meltdown per child
16. Extra goodies left over to take home 
17. Board games
18. Playing pretend
19. Cool breezes
20. Blooming trees
21. Hugs and kisses
22. Lots and lots of laughter 

Day 11

My amazing Godson has been awarded an NROTC Scholarship and will be off to PSU Main Campus this fall! I can't even begin to express how proud of this young man I am! Today, I am grateful for all things, Dylan!

Days 9 and 10

REMEMBERING to post is the challenge right now!   Hahaha!

1. Coupons
2. Unsweetened TV
3. Kindness in traffic
4. Laughter
5. Good conversation with great friends
6. Donations to good causes!
7. Music
8. A clean house!
9. Pretty sunsets
10. Spring blooms
11. Sharing dreams
12. Snuggles
13. Solid night of sleep
14. Clean water
15. A safe place of employment
16. Friends who simply listen and let you vent
17. Time to just BE
18. Finding the perfect pen!
19. Knowing you can sleep in soon!
20. Waking up feeling ready to go before your alarm goes off.

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 8

Tuesday, April 16th

1. Knowing the value in historical landmarks
2. Being able to have seen and experience France... in person
3. Being able to have seen and experience Germany... in person
4. Being able to have seen and experience  Belgium... in person
5. Being able to have seen and experience Ireland... in person
6. Honest conversations about the importance of looking outside of us
7. Allergy medications
8. Apple sauce
9. Pretty sunrises
10. Electric!

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 7

Monday, April 15th:

1. Laughter while teaching.
2. The return of my amazing para educator!
3. Cupcakes and Ginger Ale!
4. Great discussion about our classroom novel
5. Funny kids
6. Husband who saved dinner during the power outage
7. Flashlight fun with the kids
8. Reading... for pleasure!
9. Totally forgetting about it being bonus day and receiving my bonus from my side hustle
10. Kind words

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 6

Sunday, April 14th

1. Stories of the cabin trip from Elliot and Nora
2. Reassurance that our big purchase was definitely worthwhile and life saving
3. Kids who choose healthy options over junk
4. Kindness from strangers
5. Tickle fights
6. Elliot helping me out in the kitchen
7. Productively working on projects of my own while the kids did their art
8. Realizing that Easter is one week away!
9. That feeling in the air right before a big storm
10. The ability to be safe and sheltered from the storm and enjoy it instead of being out in it.

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 5

Day 5:

1. Sleeping in!!!!
2. Hugs!
3. Reading... for pleasure!
4. Having the remote... to myself!
5. Showering... alone!
6. Delicious salad
7. Good chats/texts with friends 
8. Making plans
9. The smell of rain and the signs of spring
10. Safe travels

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 4

April 12, 2019:

1. Starting my morning off with an incredibly healing and productive conversation.
2. People who talk with me and REALLY talk without checking their watch or any devices.
3. The ability to watch my students during their reflective process.
4. Finding a healthy and non-expired snack in my desk drawer when I had nothing to eat.
5. The smell of rain.
6. Conversation with a good friend who can always make me laugh.
7. Hand holding and big hugs.
8. Happy and excited children during the process of buying a safer vehicle.
9. Amazing and productive classes with hard working kids "even on a Friday" in April
10. Saying Goodbye to the vehicle that took us on so many adventures and saying hello to a new one.   Our 2005 Ford Escape was becoming a money pit.   It's latest problem could take us down a rabbit hole of serious problems.   When we found out the fix was at least $1200 and the car was worth $1200... this was a no brainer.   We are officially a complete Subaru family.

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 3

April 11, 2019

1. Technology!  Today is my Dad's birthday and considering it's a weekday, we could not get down to see him but we could do FaceTime!
2. Laughter
3. Conversations about powerful literature
4. Ice cold water!
5. Snuggles with my babies
6. Uninterrupted chit chat time with the hubs
7. Ordering iced coffee for the first time ever in my life and surprising a colleague with it
8. Finding my pink marker!   That sucker was missing and it was driving me bonkers!  
9. Art!   Our students had their annual art show tonight and it rocked!    Literally!   There was a band and some art work done with... rocks!
10. People willing and able to make time in their schedule for me despite the hustle and bustle.  

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 2

April 10, 2019:

1. Students expressing themselves through art.
2. Kind words from unexpected places.
3. Conversations that spark reflection.
4. Colleagues who share joy.
5. Farm fresh goodies.
6. Elliot actually wanting his hair cut.
7. Nora being so cheerful despite her 102 fever.
8. Mark teaching me how to order coffee for the work hubs (I've never ordered coffee before - doing it tomorrow morning!)
9. Allergy medication that actually worked!
10. Early bed time for Mommy.  
11. Helpful women from the PCOS community willing to take on a challenge with me.
12. Ears that not only listen but hear.

Gratitude Journal/Journey Day 1

I am presently reading/listening to "Girl, Stop Apologizing" by Rachel Hollis.   I read "Girl, Wash Your Face" and even watched her RISE movie.    While there are some things that she writes/speaks about that I'm not really on board with... there's one thing right now I'm willing to try.

Presently, in the book, she is talking about the power of habits and how 30 days can help form or stop a habit - good or bad.   This is not news to me, and she doesn't pretend to invent this concept.   She has posed two challenges thus far that have stood out to me.

Challenge 1:  Hydration.    I may post more about this later, but she's a big fan of drinking water and at least half of your body weight in ounces per day.   She claims .... and I have not had the chance to research this further.... that there are similarities between the feelings of hunger and the symptoms of being dehydrated.   If anyone has any further information on this, please let me know!

Challenge 2:  Gratitude journal.   30 days.   List 10 things whether you are being super specific or not that you're grateful for that day.   Try not to be wishy washy and write things like, "I'm grateful for my husband."   Be more specific like, "So glad Mark packed me a lunch today!"   (Hint hint hubs, LOL!)   I am going to aim for doing this for thirty days but blogging about it for only 15. 

So here is my day one:

April 9th

1. Hearing a student (who hates all things school) say, "Seriously, your class has always been the best class.   I feel at home here."
2. Students who took risks and tried something new.
3. Being able to watch the creative process of my students
4. Honest conversations with good friends
5. Hearing of the joyful life change a colleague is getting ready for
6. Not having to cook dinner - thanks, hubs!
7. Having Elliot help out during my first asthma attack of April
8. Nora's tantrum.   Yes.   I'm grateful for it.   I have two children that know how to express their needs and we're working on Nora's approach to that.
9. Mint M&M's 
10. Funny comics in the newspaper 

Autism Awareness

This post has been in the working for quite some time now.   I see it only fitting that I "go public" with it on World Autism Awareness Day.   I warn you, that this post is long.   I challenge you - to read it all.

While it has been a long time since I have typed in this particular blog, it is quite obvious that this blog documents a journey.   It goes all the way back to the days of infertility and here I am now with two beautiful and healthy children. 

My entire life has been around autism.   My dear friend Maevis inspired me to be a special education teacher.   In high school, I spent my free time teaching autistic individuals how to swim.   Autism is my "thing."   I once had a student tell me that they appreciate me because I "spoke autism"... and fluently!    I'm nerdy.   I like to be up on all the latest research. 

My pregnancy with Elliot was perfection.  Elliot was conceived naturally.   We used progesterone supplements during the first trimester to make sure he stayed safe.  Prior to becoming pregnant with Elliot, we were told, that we would never have a healthy son due to a heart defect on my husbands side of the family.   When we found out we were having a boy... we were completely shocked!  Really?   We had assumed Elliot was going to be Eleanor.   I remember feeling this immense feeling of pride and fear all at once.   He's supposed to be sick.   We immediately had his heart checked.   He was perfect.   And he still is.   I carried him to full term.  Actually, until week 41.5.   I gained NO WEIGHT during the pregnancy.  I didn't have GD.

Elliot hit all of his milestones on time or even ahead of time.   He smiled.  He made eye contact.  He laughed that goofy laugh we all love.   He recognized his name.   He crawled.  He walked.  He ran.   He's been talking since he was six months old (seriously) and hasn't shut up since.   He never demonstrated any learning delays at all.   Other than a slight speech problem, no "red flags" for anything... especially autism... ever came up. 

Elliot has a tremendous vocabulary.    We never believed in "baby words" for body parts and we've never "baby talked" to either of our children.   Mainly because I find it annoying.   I could say because I want my kids to know the real words... but really... if we're being honest here... it's annoying.

Unfortunately, all of the children in his life up until kindergarten were either quite younger or significantly older than him.   For example, he has a cousin that is a senior in high school.   Because of these age gaps, I anticipated some social issues with Elliot. 

I did notice that Elliot wasn't a fan of the Children's message at Church.   He didn't really like sitting up there without someone he knew.   Not really a red flag.   Just different.   And I did notice that Elliot preferred and still does prefer toys that look as they do in real life.   For example, his tractors.  He has/had no interest in plastic or flimsy tractors.   He liked realistic toys. 

When Elliot began kindergarten is when I started noticing some social issues and I found myself annoyed with myself because I was looking at him not just as my son but with my "teacher hat" on.  He struggled socially in kindergarten.   One student in particular bullied him.   Badly.   He had a very hard time understanding why someone would just randomly be mean to another person.   However, kindergarten was only a half day program.   I had asked for him to be evaluated for speech because he did have some pronunciation issues.   At the time, the school determined that his cute little pronunciations were something he would grow out of.   He was thriving academically.  I started noticing a few sensory issues with brushing teeth, preference of body products, and he was not a fan of touching any raw food.

When first grade began is when the real bells started going off for me.   I am a big fan of routine and structure and always have been.   Maybe I'm autistic, too!   Who knows.  Who cares! 

The first week of school was tough for Elliot.   He went from having a three hour school day to a seven hour school day.   He went from being at an in home daycare to school aged child care.  A lot of change was thrown at him at once and despite being prepared for it to the best of our ability (open houses and tours offered, etc) --- he struggled.   At the end of the first week of school, he had expressed a sadness over missing his kindergarten teacher.   He missed kindergarten.   Despite being able to still see his kindergarten teacher, he was still struggling with the new schedule and the new demands.   He was doing fine academically.   However, he was struggling with staying on task.  He was struggling with a full day every day.    He was having some frustrations.   Elliot was able to voice these concerns to me and we came up with some strategies to help him.   A big help was being able to have a good 35 minutes to himself (no Nora, LOL) after school when we got home.   He's allowed to go in my office and draw.  He's allowed to lay in my bed and watch a program.   He can simply just play in his room with the door close. 

When report cards came, we signed up for a parent teacher conference.   His teacher is absolutely wonderful.   As we were talking about some of his struggles, I just flat out said, "Do you think Elliot has Asperger's?   Do you think he's somewhere on the spectrum?   Something is a little... Sheldon Cooperish to me."   She was RELIEVED I said something.   By the end of the week his permission to evaluate was signed and I was in touch with the school psychologist. 

And because this is how God works.... I laughed when I learned that Maeve was the name of the school psychologist.   It reminded my of my sweet Maevis.   My childhood pal on the spectrum.   God is a trickster.   For realz.

As a special education teacher, I know the "rules" and I know the "lingo."   I went all out with Elliot's testing.   I wanted full evaluations done.  Everything.  The works.   With extra data sprinkled on top.  I also knew that this was going to take some time.   Possibly more than the 60 days the law affords.   I also knew that this was going to be overwhelming for Elliot, and I wanted to make sure that a relationship was formed first and also that there were breaks for him so as not to be completely defeated.   I gave the school psychologist his full medical record in addition to providing four pages of typed feedback.   This is my kid.   Something was off.   I wasn't messing around.

February 1st is when I was told that he definitely qualified for special education services as a student with high functioning autism.   I cried.   I don't even know why I cried.    But I did.   I cried.  A lot.

I soon realized that I wasn't worried about Elliot.   I was worried about how other people would see Elliot.   I'm not a fan of labels and I just knew (and know) that there are struggles coming.   But then, the more I thought about it, I had a "DUH!" moment.   It doesn't matter.   Elliot could be purple with five arms and he'd have struggles.   It doesn't matter what Elliot "has" --- he's going to have struggles and it's my job to love him through it.

His IEP meeting was quite lovely.    Not even kidding.   Maeve was kind enough to provide the reports to me ahead of time.   We had great discussion about Elliot.   My little genius.   We agreed that he would benefit from speech and social skills.   It was made very clear that he is not learning disabled.   No where close.    We talked at length about what kinds of SDI's would benefit him.   We set reasonable goals.   I felt like his IEP was a true team effort. 

His classroom teacher is amazing.   She made a "star chart" for him.   His first goal was to hit ten stars.   He mastered that goal.   His second goal was to hit 15 stars.   He mastered that goal this past week.  He is presently working towards a goal of 18 stars and he has been at 17 stars so far this week.

Elliot is far from non-verbal.   It was tough for us to decide if we would tell him he "has autism" because we don't want him all up in his head about it.   I finally sat him down and explained to him about his IEP and what it means and what autism means.   We also had a very good discussion about a classroom rule I have for my students which I now will be passing down to him.    We do not and we will not ever allow our circumstance to be our excuse.   He is not to every "play the autism card" or "use the IEP excuse." and at his young age of seven, he understands this. 

You're probably wondering where Elliot struggles.   I was thinking about posting that but I'm not going to do that.   It's my belief that people need to be judged by the content of their character.  Their integrity.   Not their deficits.   Elliot has them.   And guess what... you do too.

What I can tell you about my son is this...

• he is and always will be the love of my life
• he is a fighter just like his mama.   Goals have been set for him, he's processed them, and he's already knocking them out of the park
• he's caring, he has a huge (and healthy heart)
• he loves to learn
• he is especially strong in math and really enjoys science
• he's a book lover
• he loves corny jokes
• he's a builder
• he thinks in pictures
• he understands sarcasm
• he believes in kindness
• he has hugs that an army could get lost in
• his big brown eyes are deep and genuine
• he tells me about his dreams almost every single day
• he is happiest in nature
• he's met one friend this year and it brings me great joy
• he has a toothless smile that can make your day
• he celebrates his success
• he acknowledges his failures
• his hands fit perfectly in mine
• he is an artist
• he is a visual thinker and hands on learner
• he never forgets (blessing and curse)
• he's working hard at being the best Elliot he can be
• he is not allowing his circumstance to be his excuse
• he has made me a better woman since the day I knew he was coming
• he is going to change the ****ing world.... just watch
• he relies on and trusts in God
• he is doing the best he can

It's funny, really.   When we were going through infertility and having miscarriages on the regular... some people would make that age old stupid comment of, "Everything happens for a reason."   I prefer saying, "God is going to use this!" --- it has all come full circle now for me.   

I fell in love with Autism when I met Maevis.    

I fell more in love with Autism when I started teaching for PASD.

I fell in love with my son when I first saw his tiny heart beat flicker on a screen.   

I fell even harder when I held him for the first time.   

And now God has used me through it all.... he has chosen this remarkable young man (who happens to have a few quirks) to be my SON.  He has chosen me to be his Mommy.   And I promise you all this... he is going to change the ****ing world.   He already has changed mine.   

Well played, Lord.   Well played.   

Elliot Walter Geib, you are a Child of God... who happens to have this thing called Autism.  And I love you to the moon and back, forever and ever Amen!