Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Joy is FILLING my body right now!


Why? I shall tell you!

  1. I weighed in this morning to see a number I have not seen in... oh... I'll guess at least three years. ((After our first miscarriage, my hormones went psycho and my weight just went up up up practically overnight)) Sooooo...........YES, I've hit a new weight loss goal! Whooo hooo!!! I'm thankful for this because if you know anything about PCOS let alone PCOS with Hypothyroidism... you know that weight loss is a challenge. The typical "healthy" person can lose 1-3lbs a week if they put their mind to it. However, we pcos-ers... it takes some effort. I've lost this weight with no medical intervention other than taking my thyroid meds which really are not for weight loss. I was floored when I saw the number. I set my goal this summer to be able to fit into some of my clothes in the attic which are stored in the "gee I wish you would fit" bin. I haven't set a specific "number" to my goal as to what weight I'd like to be, I just want to keep getting smaller - and so far - so good! Ideally, if I lose 10lbs this summer, I'll be thrilled! We shall see!
  2. Yesterday, I called the fertility doctor back. I made the appointment. This took soooooooooooooo much courgage on my part because with the powers of google... I knew I'd have a phone interview. I made it very clear that I'm READY to be a mommy. I made it very clear that I believe when a positive is reached on a test it indicates a BABY and a LIFE and I can't be bothered with "oh its just a fetus" talk. THEY understood. GOOD sign! Last year, I was invited to do a study at a very well known facility and they seemed to have no respect for a life (in my opinion) - I just couldn't put my body through that. My appointment is for July 16th at 1:15pm. They could have had me in on July 2nd but I'll be fresh home from Ireland then and I need time to do the "pre-appointment" chore list.

This is really happening.

I just know in my heart and in my soul, that God is going to bring me a baby.

I don't know how, but I know God has put the desire to be a parent in me for a reason.

I'm feeling very optimistic. Although, I must confess - some of my pre-appointment chores do make me nervous. I felt very respected during the phone conversation and I just feel very good about all of this right now.

God will provide.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

From a fellow blogger

A fellow blogger friend wrote the entry below and I asked her if it was okay to share it with you. She gave me permission... so here it is!

Jesus I trust you.
I remember your promises.
Your faithfulness amazes me each and every day.
Even when my heart is filled with doubt you remain.
Steadfast...standing in the gap for me.
Oh Lord I am honored to be called a daughter of God.
I am blessed beyond measure to be held in your hand.
I know that before you even formed me in my mother's womb you knew me.
You knew everything about me.
Nothing that has happened in my life and nothing that will ever happen in my life is a surprise to you.
Just as the sun rises each morning so is your love for your children.
You know my heart.
You know my hopes.
You know my dreams.
You know my fears.
I search to know your heart.
I run with every fiber of my being after you.
May your wonders never cease in my life.
May I grow to love you more with each passing day.
You are my God.
You are my love.
You are my life.

Just sayin' (TMI)

I know God will provide...

I know this.

But sometimes I really wish I had two things:
1.) a magic door in my home... all I'd have to do is close my eyes and picture a destination, turn the handle, walk through, and voila! I'm there. And...
2.) a crystal ball or something magical (I've been reading fantasy books lately...) to see my future

And here's why...

It is past 2am and I am up... VERY AWAKE and throwing up.
It's a great time, really (SARCASM).
I don't know why I'm throwing up. It's a bit of a puzzle.
And any past pregnancies (obviously unsuccessful) I had nausea but pretty much didn't throw up unless there was some sort of terrible terrible smell (like coffee) that set it off. And further more to add to the weirdness, as idiotic as this sounds, I'm just puking. I don't feel sick. And I'm not crying. And as lame as THAT sounds, it's true... typically if I throw up - I cry. Even at age 28. Don't know why, but always have.

I've thrown up 4 times in the past hour and it comes on like BAM!

I've had a few chats with God but I think He may be out to lunch or forcing me to Trust in His plan. I got the message, God... now may I please go back to bed?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Faithful Aerobics - the power of knees

You can not deny that prayer is powerful. It is.

Prayer is powerful.

Take a looksie at Matthew 7:7-8...

Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

If you ask a loved one for something, a favor, or even a bite to eat... chances are the request is going to be granted. With Father's Day approaching, it's important to recognize not only your father here but your heavenly Father. God answers prayers... akk you need to do is ask. Have a conversation with God. "Ask and it will be given to you..."

If you have a minute, take a looksie at James 5:16 ... Elijah demonstrates an important lesson on prayer.

It is no wonder that in Matthew 21:21, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done."

Prayer is powerful. When you have unwavering faith in God, He will answer your prayers. That's why you stand tallest on your knees.

Keeping faith is a challenge...

When do YOU struggle with faith?

I struggle when I fixate on the future. I know I shouldn't fixate on it, but it's a hard habit to break! I wonder, "Will this doctor help me?" "Will this upcoming Father's Day be my husband's last Father's day without children?" God will get us there. God will get you there. No matter where there may be.

Monday, June 7, 2010


I saw this at the Salvation Army last week, it was on their cash register.
Thought it was super cool and photo-worthy for sure!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Relationships - Blessings of Friendship

WARNING: this post may be all over the place as it is after 2am and I can't sleep....
If I had to choose one of my greatest gifts from God, it would be the relationships in my life. 100% certainty.

God has put some truly wonderful people in my life.
I'd like to write a bit about my Pastor whom I also consider my friend. And I think there is a difference. You'll see what I mean as you read on.
((Again, I warn you... it is after 2am so this might be scattered))

I met my Pastor over six years ago. I'm trying to do the math in my head as to how long I've known him - but it really doesn't make a difference. He's a huge blessing in my life. That's what counts.

As silly as this sounds... when I meet someone for the first time - I can tell immediately if the person is going to play an important role in my life. I knew immediately when I met my Pastor that he would be someone important to me.

What I love about my Pastor, my friend, is that he is incredibly kind.
His kindness and dedication to his faith and our Church is admirable.
He is devoted to love and to the Lord.
When you are in his presence you truly know that he is a man of God.
There is nothing fake about him.
Through the years he has grown into a friend.
With the powers of e-mail, texting, etc... he has helped me turn into a better Christian woman. ((Side note: I'm originally from Philadelphia, my Church is in Philadelphia, I try to get there once a month, I now live in Amish Country and I'm yet to find a Church here that feels like home.))
I used to fear religious leaders. I grew up Roman Catholic (I'm now Evangelical Lutheran) and I never felt that a Priest or Deacon was someone I could turn to for help on any level. I don't think this is true of all Catholic Churches, but definitely of the one I grew up in. There is no fear of my Pastor.

As my friend, he is honest. He is honest as a Pastor, too. But as a Pastor, he keeps his opinions to himself whereas as a friend - he delivers them.
He's not afraid to call me out on things and he's not afraid to ask me "Do you want my opinion as your Pastor or as your friend?" He's not afraid to tell me if I'm in the wrong and he's not afraid to tell me what's on his mind. I'm not afraid to tell him, either.

He's not afraid to speak what is on his heart and his mind. I need that in a friend. I'm just lucky enough that he's both to me.
He is respectful. What we chat about stays between he and I. I don't have to feel scared to tell him anything ((I used to feel frightened in a previous Church of violations of discretion and confidentiality.)) He doesn't judge me. But as I've said, he's also not afraid to speak what's on his mind.
I was thrilled to hear the Word tonight. There was a focus on being a mother and a focus on worry. ((1 Kings 17: 17-24 and Luke 7:11-17)) The sermon was absolutely wonderful ((as usual)) and spoke to me on several levels.

I found myself sitting in the pew alone just taking it all in.
Listening to the message that God is at Work always and forever.
That it's all going to be okay because God is in control.
Give your worries to God... He can handle it.
After Worship tonight I just felt so REFRESHED.
Even now, I can't sleep because I just feel that GOOD. It's nice.

After Worship, Pastor and I ended up going out for a light bite to eat and we were able to catch up and talk one-on-one.
As I grow through the ups and downs (more downs than ups) of infertility, he has been there for me. And he knows I'm worried and scared of the next steps. I just needed to get some things off my chest. Things needed to be expressed face to face and I'm blessed that he was there to listen.

He frequently changes hats from Pastor to Friend. Another one of his gifts. We chatted about relationships, love, marriage, forgiveness, hopes, fears, journeys. I was able to just spill my guts with everything that has been on my mind.

What I love about my Pastor is not only does he listen to you, but he truly hears you.
God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life. I think God saw that in the past I had issues with trusting in priests/deacons. I know it sounds silly but I feel like God led me to this particular Church.
I'm not trying to be mushy mashy.
I just wanted to express my gratitude to my Pastor, my friend.

So to my dear Pastor (you know who you are) - I want to thank you for always being there for me. I want to thank you for helping me grow in faith and for helping me be a better Christian. I want to thank you for being a friend. Thank you for listening to me and hearing me. Thank you for your words of comfort, your honesty, your opinions and your prayers. Thank you for your guidance. Thank you for your honesty, your discretion, your faithfulness. Thank you for your kindness and your loyalty to the people in our Church. Thank you for your sense of humor. Thank you for being real and true. Thank you for bringing me closer to God - especially when I'm down and out about the heartaches of infertility. Thank you for loving me when I don't love me. Thank you for spreading the Word. Thank you for your sermons. Thank you for being you. You are a blessing in my life and you are deeply appreciated. God has blessed you with a wonderful gift and I'm sure I'm not alone when I thank you for sharing it.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 - NIV

I think the point of this passage is that God knows us, He knows what we need.
We need to not worry (easier said than done) and not feel anxious (easier said than done) and trust that God will take case of us. Our tomorrow is not just ours alone.

Getting rid of worry is definitely not easy. Some would argue that repentance is necessary and then then realigning our heart with God’s promise to meet our needs.

Worry is a touch emotion. No matter how close I feel to God, I still tend to worry even though I know in my heart and soul that God will provide and that God is steering me in the right direction.

Translation: Emotions are tricky!!!

It's the simple things...

Sooooo cute!!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010


“Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. She gives most who gives with Joy.” —Mother Teresa

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The beauty in ... fruit!

Galatians 5:22-23 ~ "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

In other words... GOD wants YOU to be GOOD!

Think of it this way, if I had two bananas... and one was completely rotten and the other looking oh so yummy... which one would you want?

Life is a bit like these bananas. You have the good yummy people and you have the bad yucky people. We've got the good and the bad. The issue is how we deal with those people.

Negativity is never good. But we all struggle with it. Tis true.

Sure, I have this wonderful blog that you are reading right now but guess what... I definitely get negative from time to time.

I need to remember that God wants me to be good fruit. God wants US to be good fruit.

Paul writes to us in the Bible about the Fruit of the Spirit. He talks about the way Christians should treat others and how we should do things that make God happy with us. Paul did NOT promise us that it would be easy.

If there is anything I have learned in life, especially the past 12-24 months - it is that negativity is just not good for your body, your soul, or your surroundings (including people).

Faith goes a long way.

I mean seriously... if you told me a year or two ago that I'd see God's love in a strawberry....I'd think you were crazy.

But then again, in reality it doesn't matter how I see or feel God's love. What matters is that I know and you know that it is there.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


You'll never change your life until you change your choices.
If you want something in your life to change, then you'll have to change your choices and actions. That is because doing the same thing will never get you different results.

In other words, what you do -- the choices you make, the way you treat people, the attitudes you have -- all impact your life. If, by your actions, you're sowing bad seeds, then you'll reap a harvest of those things. 2 Corinthians 9:6 says, Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

Therefore, if you want to reap abundant harvests in your life, start sowing abundant seeds. That may require changing your choices; but until you change your choices, you'll never change your life.

Thank you, Fitbit!

My Fitbit Charge HR broke.   I took it off and it just ... broke.    I got in contact with FitBit customer service and even though my...