Monday, May 31, 2010

Through the Rain...


There's something wonderful about rain this time of year.
The way it feels on my skin.
The smell.
I absolutely love rain this time of year.
It's comforting.
It's cooling.
It's special.

You can't help but FEEL God's Grace in the rain.
Does that sound silly? ....Perhaps it's just me.

Today the rain came down... and it was wonderful.

It was REFRESHING.... on many levels, not just regarding temperature. With excitement, I grabbed my husband and off we ran in the rain.
The glorius rain.
Splashing in puddles like a child.
Laughing.
Holding hands.
Getting completely soaked and not caring.
Ah Rain. A blessing indeed.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Mother Teresa

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating and building, others could destroy overnight. Create and build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you have anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
--Mother Teresa

Psalm 27:14




'Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!'
Psalm 27:14




It seems like waiting is quite possibly one of thee most frustrating things someone has to do when in my situation (re: infertility). I am one of those people, yes THOSE people who likes to have answers immediately. I mean, why not? Hungry? There's a Drive Thru right there. Need money? Swipe your card at the ATM and voila! Got a question? Hello, Google!


I've been thinking a lot about the blessings in my life and the blessings to come.


I am blessed to have amazing relationships.


My marriage is strong. My husband, my rock.


My family is the definition of love.


My friends are amazing.


My co-workers are awesome.


My relationship with God is much better now than it has been in years.


I'm blessed with so many wonderful gifts.


Sometimes I feel guilty (yes, you read that right).


Here I am in a great marriage, making good money, having great family and friends and despite the infertility issues - I'm in relatively good health.


Who am I to want more?


But I know in my heart that God is calling me to be a mother.


I know it.


It's not just a biological desire. It's a feeling God has blessed me with.


I'm not ashamed to say I need help with waiting on the Lord.


Definitely not ashamed. He knows I'm impatient and longing.


He knows my desires (He gave them to me!)


I just need to trust in HIM and HIS time.


We'll get there.




2:12am and pondering...

This is what being awake at 2:12am leads to... deep thoughts whilst surfing the Internets. I've been sick lately and woke up at 1:31pm. The excerpt below made me think a lot about expectations. Especially expectations for young women and teens. What do you think?
-------
"God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving
sex till marraige, wearing one-piece swimsuits insteads of
skimpy string bikinis, or idolizing Christian bans instead
of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some
Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives.

His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of
absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from
the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our
King with every breath we take.

Yes, it's a huge vision-one that is contrary to everything
our culture presents. In our modern world, we as young
women seem to be presented with only two options for our
femininity-we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up
version of womanhood glorified by pop culture or we can
go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup
for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior.

But both of these options cause us to completely miss out
on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We
were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christ-
like feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white
purity of our Prince (Jesus). We were created to be set-apart
for Him.
-Excerpt from 'Set-Apart Femininity'"

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Loving Alyssa

I wanted to share the email below with everyone.
My friend Alyssa is truly a blessing in my life.
She and I used to work together and we don't get to see one another as often as we would like - but she's always been there for me. She's the definition of a true Christian woman and I absolutely adore her. She's a blessing to me.

I am so excited to hear that she is pregnant. It's not easy for me to become excited for pregnant women, but Alyssa is a different story. I'm truly excited for her!! I felt her email was just so kind, so heartfelt, so wonderful and caring.

God sure has blessed me with some amazing friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey there,

Just wanted to shoot you a quick message. I just got caught up on your new blog, and saw your post about accepting help in making your dream come true. I just wanted to say... I don't know, is congratulations appropriate?? Haha... maybe good luck, or hooray... I don't know...I'm just HAPPY FOR YOU, there, that's it! I'm happy for your possibilities and potential. I have been thinking about you a lot lately.

I wanted to tell you this in person, but I just honestly don't know when we'll meet up again, so I'll just say it. I'm pregnant. And it has been weighing on me, because I feel guilty about it knowing what you're going through. All of me hurts for you. I read your posts and blogs and just know what a battle this has been for you, for years, and I know it's just not fair. I never know what to say, and feel like anything I could muster would be trite and shallow, and unknowing, so I just don't say anything at all. But I have been grieving with and for you. I am so impressed with the courage you've shown in giving it up to God, but I still can't help but feel like you must be hurting, deep down. And I so wish I could just take it all away.

I haven't even mustered up the courage to tell most of my family yet, because I just wanted to talk to you first. I can usually talk about most things with lightness and humor, but I feel like that would be such an insult to you. And I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. And I worry about you, and I think about you, and I care about you. And I know what a blessing I have been given, and it's not something I take lightly. And it's a blessing that I know one day will come to you.

I am so excited for you and this new journey you're starting. And I hope it ends with the best results.

Love,
Alyssa

Friday, May 28, 2010

Great quote!

"Do more than belong: Participate. Do more than care: Help. Do more than believe: Practice. Do more than be fair: Be Kind. Do more than forgive: Forget. Do more than dream: Work." -- William Arthur Ward

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Comments..

I'm new to using blogger ((for the most part)). When someone comments, I always reply. But my question is... why is there no "reply" button? Do people know I'm replying to them after they comment? Do you get an email or something about it? Just curious!

I can only imagine...

... this is going to sound incredibly morbid, but bare with me - please!

Today as I was driving home from work, a car pulled out in front of me. They really were lucky I swerved because it could have been an accident.

No one was hurt, everything is fine. It was just CLOSE.

I thought to myself, "Geez, they didn't even look - that was close!" Then I thought, "Thank God I'm safe..." and then these thoughts about death came on. Yes, death. The big sleep.

So I was actually thinking about death as I was driving home and it hit me. I'm not scared to die.

I'm not.

Now, I'm not saying I'm ready to die. I'm not saying I want to die. What I am saying is perhaps 6 months ago, my faith was not that strong. I've always been terrified of dying. And I shocked myself as I thought, "I don't want to die, I'd miss Mark and I'd miss everyone in my life... but it sure would be neat to meet God."

For the first time in my life, I'm not scared of death.

If I were to die today, I could honestly say I'd be "ready" to meet God even though I feel like my "work" here is not done. I truly believe God has a lot in store for me.

It's hard to explain. Is it possible that a lack of fear in death means strong faith? I think it is true for me.

It reminds me of the song, "I can only imagine..."

Monday, May 24, 2010

Currently reading...


I am currently reading the book above and it is SO UPLIFTING! It's one of "those books" where if I even began to describe it, I'd end up babbling on and ruining the story for you. It's an amazing and uplifting story and really makes you explore your self as self and as a Christian.
There are certain parts of the book which talk of the music played during their "mission" and I was especially drawn to this song. It's called "In the Secret" and I just love it!
I love that God gives me ways to escape. Whether in prayer, solitude, in reading or in music. God is good.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Journeys


Lately, I've been spending a lot of time on cloud 9.

I feel as if God has provided me with clarity and courage. I had an important doctors appointment on Monday night.
((Perhaps, back-tracking is necessary. Sunday was Mother's Day. Mother's Day is so very difficult for my husband and I. It brings on a sadness in us.))

I feel as if God took my sadness from Sunday and turned it in to courage for Monday.

At my doctor's appointment, I finally came forth with my desires and my decision. ((Well, my decision that my husband supports....))

I explained to the doctor that I was tired. So tired. So tired of this empty womb. This fight has been long and hard and I'm FINALLY willing to accept additional help (hence clarity and courage).

She listened to me as I sat there in the robe and just poured my soul.
She really listened. God blessed me with a wonderful doctor.

She even consoled me because I was literally shaking like a leaf during the entire exam. You see, I have a "fault" (if you want to call it that). I am amazing at helping anyone and everyone before myself. So for me to admit I'm going to need further help is a huge huge ordeal.

We decided we're not going to do this alone. Not only do I have my hubby and my God on my side - I am now in the process of forming an official team of doctors to help us.

PCOS is so highly misunderstood.
Infertility is so highly misunderstood.
But what IS understood is that we are blessed.

I called the insurance company on Tuesday and the road I have chosen is pretty much covered. I'm so blessed to have finally had the courage.

I know that there will be some road blocks ahead of us.
I know that there will be some pain involved.
I know that this isn't going to be an easy road.
But I also know that God is on my side.
My husband is on my side.
And I've got several angels watching over me.

I'm so thankful that God has provided me with the courage to move on... to move forward. I know He'll be with me... with us... on this journey.

It's not going to be easy.

And I know some people are quite weary.

But God is on our side.

Not just a deck of cards...




this has been coming through on facebook and on email forwards.


I like it!



Friday, May 7, 2010

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Challenges...

I'm curious to hear what challenges YOU (yes... you... the one reading this) face with infertility and or faith. This blog was originally designed for me to help grow in my faith. And lately, my struggles with infertility go hand in hand with my faith.

I just know God has a plan for me. For us. For you. For everyone.

I also know that my infertility can be a burden to some. In some ways, yes, it is a burden for us. But more so, it's a heart ache and I think there is a difference.

Sometimes I feel like people truly do not get the struggle unless they have been through it or if they are going through it. Sometimes I feel like our infertility is an inconvenience to people (mainly my husband's family - I didn't follow their traditions by getting pregnant immediately)

So .... what challenges do YOU face (in infertility or in anything)
What verses of the Bible do you turn to for strength?