Monday, November 28, 2011
You know... the "Why don't you just adopt?" struggle...
I think this is one of the most frustrating things to hear as a woman who has "been there" and as a woman with PCOS. I've written about this before (see tags)
When you say "Why don't you just adopt..." to a person with infertility you aren't being polite or wise. It's insulting because in a way you're kind of down playing the couples dream. That's one take on it.
For me - and for other cysters - the issue isn't ADOPTION. It's not. Adoption is freaking awesome. Seriously, now that I'm a mom, I give women who give up their children for adoption SOOOOO much credit. It takes a lot of courage to be able to do such a thing. But back to my point...
With PCOS ... adoption is NOT the answer to many cysters because there is still a problem. I'm trying to be as clear as possible for it being close to 1am. See, with PCOS, there are all sorts of problems with the body. Lots of things. Like metabolic issues, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, hirsutism, obesity, belly fat, thyroid issues, trouble losing weight, digestion issues, acne, thinning hair, missing periods, lack of ovulation, blocked tubes, ovarian cysts, weak cervex, fatigue, anxiety, skin tags, insulin resistance, alopecia.... the list goes ON... trust me... but INFERTILITY is on the list. So is miscarriage. So while infertility may be the thing a cyster is focusing on, chances are high that's not their only pcos issue ... so to say "why don't you just adopt" to a cyster is like saying, "Oh ok, just be sick forever and get a kid some other way."
It's very hard to explain this train of thought but think of it like this... would you tell someone to get a new car just because they have a flat tire?
I hope that explains/clears things up for those people who may be prone to saying such things. Now... this is where I throw in a twist.
I want to adopt. Not even kidding. I'd LOVE to do it. I've always wanted to be a mom and it took a lot for me to get Elliot.
God truly blessed me with an incredibly healthy and wonderful pregnancy. But the road to get to this pregnancy was bumpy and painful. If you know me (or if you've read from the beginning) you know exactly what I'm talking about. We've already been asked if we plan on trying for baby number two. ((PS: this is a rude question!!)) We've already been teased that we'll have "Irish Twins".... but for hubby and I... the thought of having another baby in the future is scary! Very scary!
Who is to say I would not have more miscarriages before we were to have our second? Who is to say I'd have as great a pregnancy with baby number two as I did with baby number one? I don't know if it's a risk I'd want to take. I also feel like it would be a bit selfish of me to go trying for number two when there are so many children in need of a good home.
I'm pro-adoption. Adoption is a wonderful thing. I have friends who have adopted and friends who are adopted. It's something I want to look into in the future and something I tend to google in my spare time. It's also a topic of discussion that comes up frequently with my social worker friends. The only thing that stops me from adopting is the $$$$ as we all know we teacher folk aren't exactly rolling in the dough.
And to add another twist to this already rambly post... who is to say I can even have a second baby of my own? I'm going in for a full pcos work-up in January and we're basically going to see how well my uterus held up during the pregnancy. We're going to take a detailed look to see if there is something "wrong" happening inside of me that we just didn't/couldn't see during the pregnancy. For some women, PCOS is completely reversed thanks to pregnancy. I know for me that is definitely NOT true. While I don't have as severe a case of pcos as some of my cysters (most of my issues are literally inside and not outside)... I still have a pretty strong case.
PCOS sucks. So the moral of this rant/rave is if a cyster is ranting about PCOS... just listen and love her. Hugs do help!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
This is Elliot ((DUH)) with two letters on him.
The letter on the left is from January 2011 and it's from Dr. Pellegrini thanking me for the letter I sent him and telling me he hopes he can help me conceive and make progress with PCOS.
On the right is a second letter from Dr. Pellegrini which I received today. It's congratulating me on the arrival of Elliot and says "See you soon..."
I'm so thrilled to be able to introduce Elliot to the doctor who helped us make our dreams of Elliot a reality.
I'm going to be having labs drawn in 6-8 weeks and we're hoping to get ahead of pcos. The tests he drew aren't nearly as extensive as the rest of the ones I've had done in the past.
I am curious to see if I'll be given a time line for baby number two. We can't even think about baby number two and if we'd even want another child. I just know I'm feeling incredibly blessed and thankful these days.
2 hour glucose
ggt [hormones, full panel not just progesterone]
I'm optimistic about our future regarding not just our family but my PCOS.
Time will tell... Ironically, I won't be able to do these tests until January....
Monday, November 14, 2011
• There are many reasons to pray
• Verses 22-32 in this chapter show us the importance of "praying boldly."
• These verses tell the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Jacob was not eager to "go home" to his brother Esau. Since he had robbed Esau's inheritence causing Esau to become angry and wanting to kill him, Jacob was not excited to approach him again.
• So when Jacob heard that he was going to meet up with Esau, he tried to prepare for the visit. He gathered gifts for Esau and referred to himself as Esau's "servant."
• While preparing for this visit, Jacob wanted to be alone...but he wasn't. A *man* wrestled with him, and neither one gave up.
• When wrestling Jacob refused to let go until the other man blessed him. The man gave Jacob the name Israel (meaning both "Prince of God" and "one who overcomes a struggle with God"). He also blessed him.
A question to ask is, who was this man? The man was never named, but can be assumed to be God in human form. So this passage shows Jacob wrestling with God, and him overcoming this struggle and being blessed in the end.
Some main ideas to be taken from these verses:
1. God intends to engage with people
→ He engaged with Jacob through being the other man wrestling with him
→ He reached down to humanity through Jesus Christ
→ He called Moses to action and to lead His people
2. What is our response? We engage on the basis of God's Grace and Promises
→ Gen. 32: 9-12 (Jacob's prayer begins with worshiping God, he then calls on God to help him because of His grace and because of the promise God had made to Jacob before)
→ Jacob understood that he was unworthy (he's facing consequences of actions that he had done 20 years ago.) He was desperate and called on God when he remembered that God had blessed him in the past.
→ We are also unworthy, but we need to wrestle with God to receive His blessings that He has promised us.
→ We tend to be self-sufficient in today's culture. We need to wrestle with God so that He can engage with us in our daily lives.
3. What do we wrestle about?
→ We need to wrestle with our fears, doubts and misunderstandings.
→ Wrestle with our understandings of who He is, and what He calls us to do.
→ We are challenged to test our faith, through prayer.
→ Do we believe all that God promises? (that He will always provide for us, that He listens to our prayer, etc.)
→ He tests us, and then shows us that He is faithful
→ We need to give Him our thoughts and let Him deal with them.
4. A Christian life is not passive
→ Gen. 32:26
→ Pray for blessings on us (ourselves, our families, our church, our community...)
→ He gives us the opportunity to engage with Him through prayer.
5. Move Forward by Faith
→ Gen. 32:31, 33:1
→ When challenges are overwhelming, pray, and then move forward
Sleepy Eyes, Yawning Head, / Time for you to go to bed / And when you're dreaming in the night / We'll keep you safe, snug and tight / CHORUS Sweet baby boy you're a dream come true / We've been waiting years for you / It was worth the wai...t, now life is great / 'Cuz we've got you VERSE 2 Elliot, don't ever fear / Your mom and dad will always be near / Drift away now, rest your eyes / We'll be here to greet you when you rise CHORUS VERSE 3 When we're dozing cheek to cheek / My hearts so full, I can't speak / We'll always love you, love love you more / And then we'll love you a little more CHORUS x2
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
He weighed in at 7lbs 3 ounces.
He is 19.5 inches long.
We arrived at the hospital at 5am to get me prepped for surgery. Getting prepped really was not an issue at all. I got into my robe, signed a lot of paperwork, went over the procedure and met with my doctor. I ended up refusing my last ultrasound because after carrying this little man of mine for nine months, I knew he was still breached. I think the funniest part of pre-surgery was trying to get his heartbeat. Elliot was ALL over the place and it took the nurses TEN minutes to get his heart-rate. I guess he knew he was getting his eviction notice... and he wasn't the only person being evicted that day, either!
When they wheeled me down to the operating room we had some issues. The anesthesiologist I had was a complete jerk and he was horrible. Just AWFUL. Basically they had me sit on the metal table and I was hugging my doctor so that my spine was in the proper position. The anesthesiologist was becoming frustrated and making some very inappropriate comments and finally I gave my doctor a look and told her to get him the *bleep* out of there. He kept trying to numb me and he was hurting me. I let out a scream so loud and finally said, "You need to leave... NOW!" Then in about an instant the new anesthesiologist came in and he was PERFECTION! Thank you, Dr. DeAngelo! He ran his finger down my spine and boom! Found the spot, I felt a pinch and a burn and I was immediately numb and on the table ready for surgery to begin. I told him I loved him several times over. The funny thing was post-op so many nurses had come in and said something to me about what I went through with Dr. Merchant's unprofessionalism and I will be writing a strongly worded letter because he had upset me so much. However, his upsetting me was a blessing in disguise because it gave me something to tell Mark when he finally came in to sit with me.
The surgery went well! The worst part was when they were putting my uterus back into my body. I couldn't feel it of course but it gives you instant nausea. I also had my blood pressure and sugar drop big time so I had the shakes like you would not believe.
Elliot came out butt first, and hearing his cry was the most remarkable feeling and sound in the world. They took him and he scored a NINE on his first Apgar test! Then a perfect ten on his second! When Mark brought him over to me it was just amazing. AMAZING. I obviously couldn't hold Elliot as I was being put back together, but watching my son interact with my husband was amazing. Elliot knew in an instant who was holding him. He was and is perfect. Perfect!
After I was put back together I was pretty shaky still and went to recovery. Mark has a video of me holding/meeting Elliot for the first time which is really precious. I'm on a weird internet connection here at the hospital, but I can't wait to post the video once I get home.
Holding Elliot for the first time was magic. Pure magic. He coos a lot and has much to say. He told me all about his day in his own little way. And taking him to my breast for the first time... WOW. There are no words to describe the feelings I had that first day. And they've only gotten stronger since then.
I've had so much company coming in to meet him, he's a popular little man! I would definitely do this again of course. The c-section was not bad at all. The first twenty four hours were rough on me mainly because I was so "strapped"... I had compressors on my legs, an IV going, all sorts of medication in my system, a cath in, etc... and I literally could not get up to do anything. My sugars would drop and I'd become very shaky which scared me mainly because I didn't want to drop Elliot. Once the first 24 hours was up, I was offered a sponge bath but I really wanted to get back to normal. The nurses and doctors here are amazing. They have helped me get showered and dressed and my incision is looking GREAT! The one lesson I've learned is to NOT let the pain come on or else the medications aren't going to be as effective. Having my mother with us is also a huge huge help. She's not just my mom, but she is a nurse as well. I've decided I'm not going to discuss some parenting things online - mainly breastfeeding. Let's just say that Elliot is eating well, and doing great!
Elliot is just amazing. The love Mark and I feel for him truly is so strong. We are so in love. Seeing my husband with my son fills my heart with so much love and joy. I wish I could articulate it better. I am so in love with them. I never knew I could fall more in love with my husband, but it's true... it's like I've fallen in love with him all over again.
This morning was really cool. Elliot really loves skin-to-skin time and he told me all about himself this morning. He'd look in my eyes and coo and grab my hand and listen to my heartbeat, etc.
I'm feeling so very blessed and complete. Elliot truly is our miracle. The love I feel for him is the best feeling in the world.
To my husband:
Thank you for loving me all these years. For being by my side through the ups and downs of infertility. Thank you for encouraging me, for holding me, for wiping my tears and for believing in me. Thank you for loving me on the days I didn't love me. Thank you for never losing faith in the dream of parenthood. Thank you for never losing faith in me. Thank you for being my rock, my love, and my world. Thank you for making me a mom. I love you tremendously. And I thank you, for never giving up on me. I am so excited to be on this new journey with you.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
2. A prayerless nation has no hope beyond the headlines.
3. Prayer aligns us with God’s heart, purposes and blessings.
4. Prayer is an act of humility that precedes honor.
5. Prayer enlarges the heart beyond selfish motive.
6. Prayer provokes the heart to consider not only what is but what can be with God’s help.
7. Prayer is best prioritized when one asks God to change one’s own heart first.
8. No matters of eternal value will be accomplished outside of prayer.
9. Prayer is properly prioritized vigilance in a spiritually passive world.
10. Prayer at its best is an offering of one’s self to be used by God as a part of the answer.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I can't even begin to describe what it is I am feeling. On one hand, I feel incredibly sad. I'm going to miss being pregnant. I've had an amazing pregnancy and I will miss having him safe inside me. Feeling his kicks. Knowing his little quirks. But then, I have to laugh at myself because finally... FINALLY... after nine months of carrying him in me ... after FIVE years of heartache and faith testing and loss and hurt... finally, my son will be here. In my arms.
It's quite overwhelming. It's starting to really hit me. Our son will be here MONDAY!
Tonight for supper we decided to treat ourselves to Chinese. My fortune cookie read as follows, "God will give you everything that you want." And truly, He has. I am incredibly blessed. We were on a long road/journey but we never gave up and finally... he will be here.
It's a lot to take in!
Today was my final OB appointment. My sweet boy had a heart rate of 144. And I teared up listening to that sound. That magically powerful sound. It's a good thing we're serving him an eviction notice because I'm not dilated at all. Not even a little bit.
I had a great chat with my OB who will be performing the surgery/birth/section on Monday and got a lot of questions answers. She is my favorite doctor in the practice so having her for the c-section is really quite wonderful. So here they are in no particular order...
- Question: Can I take my thyroid meds the morning of the surgery?
- Answer: Yes, but try to do it in no more than two swallows of water.
- Question: Where will I be cut?
- Answer: She's not sure yet because she wants to minimalize any chance of infection. It will probably be a pubic cut.
- Question: Can hubs cut the cord?
- Answer: Nope. It's a sterile environment (it's ok though because Mark wasn't really into that...)
- Question: Where will Elliot be after he is born? What's the process there?
- Answer: Elliot will be with Mark and I at all times. He will be taken from me and cleaned up and given a few shots as well as measured, tested, etc... Mark will get to hold him first and then Mark will bring Elliot to me where he will stay. Mark and Elliot stay in the operating room with me and the only reason for Elliot to be put elsewhere is if Mark's arms get tired holding him (which won't happen, LOL) After I am "cleaned up" and transferred to a recovery bed we will have two hours of uninterrupted family time where it will be specifically Elliot, me, and Mark only. No other family (including our moms) will be permitted to see any of us. This is hospital policy. This policy was set only two years ago, so it is new. Basically, we will both be flooded with emotion and we'll need time to just feel and experience and absorb and get used to our son and have us time. After that time period is up we will be transferred to our permanent room where then visitors who aren't sick will be permitted to visit. Anyone with a cough or sniffles are encouraged by staff to visit later or will be forced to wear a mask. During the recovery time they will also be giving me a flu shot and a pertussis vaccine. We will also do Elliot's first feeding and do our best to get a good latch. He will experience no other feeding or nipple other than mine.
- Question: what kind of pain will I be in and what kind of medication will I be given? Answer: I'll be feeling sore but no real pain until about 12 hours after the c-section at which time I will be able to take tylenol or percoset.
- Question: What about antibiotics before the c-section?
- Answer: I'll go in at least 2 hours before surgery time to get the meds pumping in me.
- Question: If Elliot decides to turn and get in the proper position, will the c-section still be a go?
- Answer: completely up to me... if I'd like vaginal induction I can go for that route but because my pelvic pain is only becoming more and more intense, she doubts he will turn at all for me by Monday.
- Question: Will I puke afterwards?
- Answer: It's possible, but they will also give antinausea medication.
- Question: When do I have my last RH negative shot?
- Answer: only after Elliot is tested and only if he is positive
- Question: What kind of medications/shots should I expect?
- Answer: I'll be given the regular medications to numb me for the surgery, an anti-biotic as well as the pertussis vaccine and flu shot.
- Question: Will I be swollen?
- Answer: Yes, do not be alarmed when my body and face are swollen - it's natural. And don't even dare weigh myself until at least one week post partum as it is extremely common to have an actual weight gain even though you literally just got rid of 6-8lbs of human plus the blood loss, etc...
Sunday, October 30, 2011
This publication from The Endocrine Society is intended for a medical audience. It contains three different opinions (not 100% in agreement with each other) about the use of metformin in the treatment of PCOS. If you are looking for reading material to provide to your doctor about the use of metformin in the treatment of PCOS, or the use of metformin during pregnancy, this might help him or her to understand both PCOS itself, and the reason that metformin might be worth trying. More important than the opinions themselves are the many, many references cited in the margins that your doctor can go to to learn even more. You may be able to help your doctor/health partner learn something new!
I saw the above info on a facebook I subscribe to regarding PCOS. While metformin and metformin XR did nothing for me - there was change and positive results with glumetza (which IS metformin but absorbed differently. Read with an open mind!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Ten of my cysters are pregnant! PREGNANT! BFP's - pregnant!
I can't even begin to explain how excited and happy I am for these women. I just feel so over-the-moon elated! God is good! God is great!
I am so thankful to hear this news and to hopefully be a part of their new journey.
I don't want to name their names, but I do want them to know that I love them and as always... I'm here!
TEN! TEN CYSTERS! Take that, PCOS! =^_^=
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I looked at the ultrasound tech and said, "How likely is it he will turn." And then... we all just sat there. And watched Elliot play with his cord, bounce around, kick, and I think he may have sucked his own toe. She told me there are some exercises I could do but considering I already do exercise - she doubts at this point that he will turn. I knew what the doctor was thinking.
We cleaned up my belly from all the belly jelly and I went in for my exam. My cervex is swollen and I'm not dilated. In addition to this, I've managed to lose 5lbs in one week and I've been eating like it's my job.
Luckily, I had my FAVORITE OB and she said, "Well... do you want to wait until week 42 or should we schedule a week 39 c-section?" I didn't know at that point so she had me get dressed and I went into her office. She told me that she could potentially try to turn him for me but she was really worried about that considering we watched him play with his cord. She was worried that if we were to turn him that we'd end up hurting him or he'd end up strangling to death. Clearly, not an option. She also told me she wouldn't want to do the turning, it made her uncomfortable.
After a few twizzlers with her, we decided to give hubby a call and pick a birthday for our son. Elliot will be born via c-section on 11-7-11. He is weighing an estimated 6 pounds and 2 ounces. He is completely healthy. I have ultimate faith in my OB and she informed me that this would be the best decision for me, my anxiety, and ultimately Elliot. Now, obviously, if Elliot decided to turn or if I go into labor before the 7th we'll have a whole other option/story.
She did tell me that she will scan me on the day of the c-section to see if he magically turned but it looks like my child is long and lean and that it won't happen. I cried a bit and felt like a darn fool because well... here I am and I'm finally pregnant.... I've made it to full term+.... my son is completely healthy.... and I'm upset about not being able to push??? LAME.
My doctor is hilarious and she said to me, "Think of it this way, I won't be ripping your vagina to shreds and neither will he!" So there's a plus...
We had a few laughs and some serious moments and by the time I digested everything 4 hours later, I feel much better.
Here are some of the perks I'm finding...
- My last day of work is 11/4 - this means I'll go right into mommy-ville which will maximize my time off with my boy.
- I won't have to worry about "when is it going to happen" because I already know
- I won't be worried about my mom getting lost or in an accident when she rushes up to be with me ((but it does suck that she won't be in the room with me))
- My husband will have the honor of holding him first. At first I was bummed about this but I think he deserves this honor considering he stood by me through thick and thin all through our infertility.
- I won't have to worry about stitches and tears in my girly bits
- I'll have a nice three day stay in the hospital so I will have plenty of time for Q&A
- I got to choose his birthday
- I know what doctor I'll have and I love her!
- A friend of mine said I won't have to worry about a funny shaped head, LOL
- My family is in Philadelphia so they will have a much better chance of being able to find time to come and visit
- I know I'm making the best decision for my health and for Elliot's health
I'm pleased and calmed down now - still nervous - but just so glad to know that soon...SOON this little miracle of ours will be here.
I've waited so long for this moment. I'm so in love with this little boy. I went through hell to get him in my womb so I don't really care what I have to do to get him out. God has blessed us tremendously.
And in other news...
NINE of my cysters are pregnant! NINE! NINE! I'm so excited for them! :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
“In the beginning, God created...” “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1). And what a wonderful, resplendent, beautiful world God created.
From fish to flowers ...
From atoms to Alps ...
From galaxies to germs ...
Our God has created an infinitely complex world. From its smallest to largest dimensions, the beauty and complexity of our world staggers our minds and enraptures our hearts. Our God creates. Our God creates flowers that no one will ever see and stars that no one will ever reach. Our God creates bacteria and electrons and magnetic waves and thermonuclear reactions and sea currents and black holes and nebula and more species of animals than we have even discovered. Our God creates. Beauty and complexity, simplicity and profundity, majesty and glory ooze from God’s very Being. God is Creator, and creation bears God’s glory.
From the beginning of time, people have worshiped God through creation. Adam and Eve joined the creative process by naming the animals, caring for the garden, and creating more human beings. Noah joined the Creator’s mission by creating an ark as an instrument of salvation and then building an altar as a sign of worship. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all worshiped God by building altars to hold their sacrifices.
Creation and beauty have always been part of worship of the Creator. Worship has always been art-full (full of art). As people made like the Creator, we cannot help but to create when we express our worship of the Creator.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Just need to hem the curtains!
Changing table/dresser! He also has a second dresser in the back room. Drawer number one holds nb-3 months clothes, Drawer number two has pajamas, drawer three has towels and washcloths, drawer four has receiving blankets and burp cloths galore!
My Fitbit Charge HR broke. I took it off and it just ... broke. I got in contact with FitBit customer service and even though my...
Apparently, sugar is evil. (DUH) From the article: EATING ANY KIND OF SUGAR HAS THE POTENTIAL TO REDUCE YOUR BODY'S DEFENS...
At the PCOS Symposium, there was a lot of talk about Ovasitol. There were vendors from theralogix giving out free samples, which I...